it's morning but the moon is still a lit.

crisp bangs and twangs of sentiments ring irrepressably inside me.

it is always in the dead of night, and birth of the morning,

when thoughts come the clearest.

in the midst of these elations of sense and thought

i drift, drift into an estuary of passive dissidence.

calming laps of untamed emotion rivetted within the

limbic systems of my amygdalae.

as intervals of time age the daunting moon

glissening in its aura, its hazy glow parts the night.

with each succession of its malevalent descant it weighs on my

shoulders implicitly..

oh how i dread such a promised time, of routine mental awakeness:

the feelings of doubt, vunerability, remorse, desire.

self imposed lies bathing my mind with a makeshift sedative.

...these sleepless starless nights of extraversion spliced into birdless

mornings of introverted stillness follow me in my wake

and taunt me into sheets of absence .

'carpe noctem' has never been more piercing.

it's really sort of an archaic feeling i'm going through at the meoment.
I often have these fits of nostalgia and bits of melancholy intercepting it
it's like all the old insecurities and peeves come back whenever I'm away.
A day of fun rudely replaced with old memories..but not your jovial sort of
memories..painful ones. It's funny how one instance, one little instance can
change everything so quickly. Quiet as it's kept that issue seriously does a
number on me. sometimes i wish that never happened, that way i'd just be myself,
but things happen for reasons...so I'll learn to move on from this.

It's these odd mornings i experience here, that feeling of frustration and happiness.
I hate it, but at times in certain environments I'm not really myself. I morph into this
other person, and this person is comical and carefree but my real self is quite mature
and relaxed. I mean however i act, it's all a part of me just sometimes i get my own self annoyed.
Maybe its because i feel i should act the way others will enjoy. if that makes any sense.
I think these mornings get to me because i keep comparing myself to other people, i hate that.
I have no idea what puts this feeling into my head but I'm working to cut it out completely.

Whenever i sleep over somewhere, these thoughts just enter quite constantly.
i never want to go home, but when im out i feel uncomfortable at times.
all in all i just hate knowing that i have to go "back home" in the end.

i really wish i could just escape sometimes.

ee cummings.

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

-ee cummings

i am finally secure....put together for once.

familiar hands caress and take root on to me again.

everything is how it should be.

spliced rays grace my cheeks amongst the bed of our 'morrow.

I shed a tear he does not see.

I dont want this to end.

a playful kiss against my cheek.

i let the warmth in.

entangled sheets, dress my legs.

i sink into him again, his hand clothed by mine.

Lovers' whispers keep me there.

this is our morning;

4/17/10

i think i found a pleasant little nook.

in the crannies of ripe contentment.

it was the spring of wistful skies and immaculate sunrises.

words and promises, tender terminals of memories to be added

to this dank dense head--finally here, awoken.

The winter kept me dormant.

when cyronotainment killeth me.

The april mornings were always the fondest.

greeted by crisp air and wisps of white cloud.

it's as if everything were sterile...sanctioned pure.

our bodies no longer giving into human desire.

we together somehow need nothing---we live off each other.

will i ever age, if this is it?

from the top we see it all.

what took so long for me to see it this way.

the morning frost danced upon my skin

as stark smoke kept me awake.

the kisses of elation--delivered by only him.

the sounds of life remind me it is real.

tender soul, i am yours.

TEST RUN.

UNDER CONSTRUCTION.

stay tuned.