abre los ojos

it's really sort of an archaic feeling i'm going through at the meoment.
I often have these fits of nostalgia and bits of melancholy intercepting it
it's like all the old insecurities and peeves come back whenever I'm away.
A day of fun rudely replaced with old memories..but not your jovial sort of
memories..painful ones. It's funny how one instance, one little instance can
change everything so quickly. Quiet as it's kept that issue seriously does a
number on me. sometimes i wish that never happened, that way i'd just be myself,
but things happen for reasons...so I'll learn to move on from this.

It's these odd mornings i experience here, that feeling of frustration and happiness.
I hate it, but at times in certain environments I'm not really myself. I morph into this
other person, and this person is comical and carefree but my real self is quite mature
and relaxed. I mean however i act, it's all a part of me just sometimes i get my own self annoyed.
Maybe its because i feel i should act the way others will enjoy. if that makes any sense.
I think these mornings get to me because i keep comparing myself to other people, i hate that.
I have no idea what puts this feeling into my head but I'm working to cut it out completely.

Whenever i sleep over somewhere, these thoughts just enter quite constantly.
i never want to go home, but when im out i feel uncomfortable at times.
all in all i just hate knowing that i have to go "back home" in the end.

i really wish i could just escape sometimes.